I haven't written in a while for several reasons. There are no excuses. There is nothing to be sorry about. It's just the way it is. I decided to take this weekend to just relax and not put such pressure on myself to perform although it seems such a stupid and weird concept. I had my car worked on in the shop by an awesome mechanic I found where I live. I know this usually doesn't happen often. The last time I encountered this was when I lived in LA and the person was a stand-up guy. I think independent car shops are they best over the car shop chains because find there is red tape and prices are higher.
I also had no agenda on what to do and just decided to spend a little time reading, coloring, and took a break from exercising. I've been going pretty hard to losing my weight and eating better within the last three months. I've lost 21 pounds, so far, and have 9 more to go (or the weight I want to get for the bare minimum). If I happen to lose more then it will be a huge bonus because these 9 pounds aren't coming off quickly or anytime soon. So, I've been hitting the treadmill for longer times and incorporating more sprinting into my jogging. I've also been doing more weightlifting of my upper body such arms and chest. I'm not lifting heavy weights, but I am trying to incorporate it more into my weekly routine.
I know I've mentioned it before, but as a person ages, I feel most people do go through cycles and spurts of freaking out at the little time we actually live on Planet Earth and being comfortable in our skin (no matter how fat we are and need to lose) to the point of truly enjoying life to the fullest every day. It's hard for a person to just live and let your day happen with the least amount of resistance, extreme emotional reactions, and the constant mental chatter that happens to most of us on a daily basis. I have no ambition to become a Buddhist, but I do try my best to have as much balance as possible mentally and try to take care of my body as much as I am physically able to do within my own limitation and even my age.
I'm definitely not in my 20s anymore nor my 30s and because of this, yeah gravity has already started. It doesn't need to be the end or where you completely give up everything. There is such a thing as personal acceptance for the things you have in your life and the things you don't have but want to have and the things you will never have in your life no matter how hard you try. As one decade ends and another begins, time will continue to move forward whether you like it or not. Without getting too philosophical or spiritual, finding your own personal journey should be a integral part of one's life purpose. There's more than sleeping, eating, and breathing for longevity. Sure, money does buy some happiness (okay, a lot of happiness), but if you can't access it within you, then the feeling is fleeting. I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm trying to find more and actual happiness in my life because it has eluded me so far. I don't feel overwhelmed by not finding it yet, but I also find freedom in doing not anything on a rigid schedule or freaking out when it changed, which is what I did this weekend.
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