If I open to any page of any book, will you be able to provide me the reward I feel when my eyes set sight on any random sentence? Do not answer quite yet. I don't think you have the most honest and trusted answer within you at the moment. Why? Because you fail to realize what is in front of you, that you have taken for granted in the past five years, at least, and maybe even more if you count those times; we were not together physically but mentally. We were constantly on each other's minds because that what any human being does when faced with a challenge.
I searched deep within me. All over my map, north to south and west to east. I even searched many times in my head to my toes and nothing in between pointed to us making sense anymore. Try as I might and try as best you could, we have to go our separate ways. Something died within you and it's not pretty. I don't know what I can call this passing over the bridge, but the fact you don't or won't recognize it, makes me neither sad with a hint of anger or nostalgic for what we once took as constant hunger with our proportionate appetites. We will not live forever and so we must move on to seek better days for our remaining years as much as it stings even when the irritant is no longer visible to our eyes.
Someone once told me a person's talent only takes them so far. It's during those harsh times when nothing grows within someone, no matter how much water they drink, that a different kind of energy must appear. The right environment not only has to be noticed but cultivated. So, with respect for you, I release you to find greener pastures. Walk as many miles as you need to find whatever might roam in your pasture. This could take years. The perfect place to pluck the flowers and plants and animals to sustain you will not take place quickly.
You are now aware you can't draw your sustenance from me anymore. I can't imagine how you feel, but you were always a responsible person. Don't let this hold you back and be a defeating moment. If I am wrong to have lost faith and come to find you were right all along, I will not shed any tears. Do I breathe? Yes. Do I bleed? Yes. Do I make mistakes? Rarely. I do believe this is not the time for regret. Remember, I have not held grudges against you ever. If I unconsciously did so, let me assure you, it did not affect my decision in any way. Trust me, I will continue to have high respect for you when you are gone. Believe me when I state, it will take a long time for my heart to close all emotion regarding our separation.
May I suggest to you, to go outside in a remote area and scream at the top of your lungs. You see, I never had to do this, because for me I could find solace in any one of my books where you could not. You held a different view and that became too much of a great divide for us. I began to see jealousy in your eyes over as what you perceived as a threat. They weren't only my babies. They were the sole purpose of my existence. The reason I continued to breathe in and out when situations became tough for us. It is because of my love for words strung together like popcorn on a string by unstable people portrayed as stable people only by name that kept you in my life for a long time.
You never could understand the qualities of what lies within any writer worth the gold they produce. You saw me as less than and ultimately, a useless entity wrapped in confusion. It was you who was confused. The time it will take you to realize you were wrong about me, I will be long gone. You will need the strongest of binoculars to see even a glimpse of me. I was never superior to your body nor inferior to your shadow as you once thought.
We will come out of this stronger. This I am confident, for both of us are too bright to be subdued for long, and you were never a quitter. Today is your day when I take the back burner. I will keep my heat on low, a nice simmer. You need to turn up your heat by spreading it wide and far, and not settling for anything called less than because that is the whole purpose of our separation. I could not give you what you needed anymore, and certainly it was not in your power to give it to me.
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