Riddle me this! Why am I waking up between 3:30 to 4:00 AM for the last few weeks?! I can't tell you how aggravating this is for me to experience. On top of that, I can't seem to lose the last seven pounds (at least) I want to lose. I'm trying everything, well most everything under the sun, from more weightlifting, pushups, crunches, and trying to increase running at a faster pace for short periods of time or in other words sprinting and then slowing down and doing it again and again and again. I've tried hard to decrease my calories, which I admit I could stand to eat a little bit more but now that I'm on this weight loss challenge for my health, I can't stop now. While I only exercised twice this week so far and by the end of this week it will be four times, again I can't stop now.
The bottom line is I need to keep going because I like where this overall being physically and mentally healthier is taking me (to an extent). Although I wonder where my intense headaches are originating from, and it could be a lack of sleep or maybe a combination of needing to eat more. The funny thing is that overall people in the U.S. eat too much protein and overall eat too much. Without getting into the differences of social economic status among families and individuals in this country, you are what you eat. Sounds stupid but for the last three months I've eaten the same thing for lunch and dinner pretty much to help me with my weight loss. I've had a few splurges here and there but not much and when I do, I don't eat a lot of it. I've had gelato once without a cone (sigh) and I haven't eaten popcorn and trust me I love popcorn. No, I fucking love popcorn. I could eat it morning, noon, and night. I've eaten sugar here and there but not much of it. To compensate for my dry mouth, I eat a lot of sugar free mints and candies (some from Trader Joes and the ever-popular candies for the elderly called Werther's).
The damned if you do and damned if you don't part of this blog entry is my sciatic nerve that prevents me from sleeping well sometimes at night. I have to switch sides throughout the night because it hurts too much. The recommended advice is to move and not sit around so much as it aggravates your sciatica. You know what else does too? Jogging and running or at least in my case it has a tendency to flair up so when I am done pushing through my workout, I ice my butt and leg to help it along with stretching. I don't know if it helps at all, but it doesn't seem as intense after I do it. I will tell you what doesn't do crap for me and that is taking any kind of NSAID. Sometimes the muscle relaxer I don't like to take doesn't even help too much. So yeah, this sciatic nerve of mine can piss me off at times. I recently told someone I got the short end of the stick: my height, my weight, my arthritis, my sciatica, my hair, my vision, my brain. The list could go on and on, but I will stop here to spare you my sob story.
I am most fortunate and grateful to have what I have in my life. I won't say having more of most everything would be even better, but I shouldn't complain too much. I'm not the kind of person who operates or is motivated by fear. Sure, some things scare me but keeping things in perspective is a good thing. While I try my best to control what I actually have control over and not put the whole weight of world issues on my shoulders and back to carry like a heavy backpack, I also understand there are limits to people even the most powerful and richest people. The problem is there are dumpster fires to put out everywhere. The key is to remember you and definitely me is not responsible to putting out those fires as much as others want you do. I am only one person and I refuse to do the dirty work for other people that don't even know I exist. I'm talking pretty cryptically for a reason. Let's just say my disillusionment can take me to dark places if I let it.
The rest of this weekend and into the following weekend, yes, I have lofty plans as always. Do I always do them? No. Do I try to do some of them? Usually yes. Do I put pressure on myself? Somewhat. Should I have bought more stamps today? No. Should I have brought a new toilet bowl brush? That's a big YES! Could I eat pizza, a sub, and ice cream all at once? That's another big YES! I'm not going to because I need to keep my eyes on the weight loss prize. I'm hoping as I commit to writing again over the next nine days that I actually follow through. I mean enough is enough and time is flying by already concerning 2024. It's the halfway point already according to the Gregorian calendar. Yeah, there are lots of things I should do. Blah, blah, blah but, at least, I'm trying to better myself in ways I think are good for me. While I have some confidence, my future will be okay, brighter and better, I'm not so sure. At least, I'll have my shades and my stamp collection.
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