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Brendan Allen vs. Chris Curtis 2
Brendan Allen is back, but don't you dare call him Brandon or he'll go straight Jim Everett on your ass...
"Check that, Brandon, good to have you on the show."
"You know what, you been calling me that for about the last five years."
"Two years actually, Brandon."
"If you call me Brandon to my face one more time—"
"I already did, twice."
"I bet you won't say it again."
"I bet I do... Brandon." (Table and chairs turning over).
No, an offense so egregious is likely to turn Brendan Allen into Pinky with the Jheri Curl real quick...
"Shut up! Before I bust a cap up in your ass.
"Sorry, Brend—
"Shut up! Say another muhf**kin' word, and this shit is over! And I ain't playin'!"
"My bad, Brend—"
"Shut the F— Did I say shut—Oh, shit! Say it again! Say somethin' else! Oh! Say somethin' else!"
God knows how many substitute teachers caught hands during roll call. Speaking of hands, they tend to get him into trouble during fights. They're responsible for his TKO loss to Chirs Curtis the first time they fought in 2021.
"Let me bang, Bro!"
The problem isn't that he has Erin Blanchfield hands; it's actually quite the opposite. Allen has slick, technical striking that is just good enough to convince himself that he can stand and bang with anybody. I've never seen Allen in trouble on the mat, but I've seen him in Diddy trouble on the feet. Even when he wins (which is a lot), he has sketchy moments standing up. Telling Brendan Allen not to stand and bang is like telling your kids not to do something – it's a surefire way to ensure that they'll do that very thing. Allen is a crispy 1-2 outside striker who sometimes identifies as a pocket firefighter. But he doesn't have the defensive instincts to survive extended exchanges. He stands too tall in the pocket and doesn't roll/slip or take his head off the centerline when he engages. His striking has no funk. Oh, we need the funk. We gotta have that funk.
Against Chris Curtis, Allen insisted on taking the Frodo Baggins path to victory. He chose not to commit to his wrestling/grappling and got to feeling himself like the Macarena on the feet. They exchanged simultaneous hooks, both landing at the same time, like Apollo and Rocky when they spar at the end of Rocky III, except Curtis walked away unscathed, and Allen hit a Soul Train line solo routine. He looked like Napolean at the talent show. He went straight Patrick Swayze Dirty Dancing. In addition to being vulnerable in the pocket, Allen has a Handle with Care chin. The ol' bubble wrap chin. He purchased his chin at Ikea.
But none of that matters if Allen comes out rocking the Predator braids and hits his patented outside single-leg crackdown. Predator braid Brendan Allen is a whole vibe. Allen's striking is best used to create clean-level change entries. Allen only averages less than a takedown and a half per fifteen minutes, buts that's because he only needs one takedown to finish your ass. Allen is 23-5 with five TKO/KOs and fourteen subs - eleven via rear-naked choke. This dude's rear-naked is like Alcatraz, inescapable. Allen finished his last four fights via rear-naked and five of his last six. The key against Curtis will be committing to his wrestling.
But that won't be easy because Chris Curtis has takedown defense like Mormon underoos. He has that flag on the moon takedown defense, averaging nointey-two percent for his career. I'm old enough to remember Chris Curtis going 20/20 defending takedowns against the Jitz God, Rodolfo Vieira. The key for Allen will be going straight Merab, pushing a heavy pace on the feet, spamming level changes, and chain wrestling – not giving up on the first attempt.
Boyd Juneweather is back. The man with the Delaware Shell. Chris Curtis's Philly Shell didn't even move to Philly until eighth grade. In high school, Chris Curtis's Philly Shell got sent to Beverly Hills to live with its auntie and uncle in Bel Air. Chris Curtis has that Temu Philly Shell. It's got more holes than Meek Mill's reputation. But, boy, Chris Curtis can crack like fingers and single-ply tp. He's the Balrog of the UFC. Curtis is the offspring of the guy in UFC 1 who stepped into the Octagon rocking one boxing glove. A grimy southpaw, Curtis has a bouncy cadence, staying on his toes like a midget at a urinal. He stays on his toes like he's at a Diddy party. It's easy to get caught up in Curtis's power, but his footwork is the unsung hero. It often looks like he's levitating like David Blaine in the cage. Curtis skirts around the Octagon like he's at the roller rink, trying to impress Bettys. He can get in and out of range with little effort, which helps disguise his attacks.
But don't get it twisted like Kenny Smith's legs, you come to a Chris Curtis show for his power. His left hand is laser sighted: Red dots, red dots like chicken pox. When his left hand connects, it sounds like belly flops. It turns the first ten rows into a splash zone. But while his left-hand gets all the attention, walks all the red carpets, signs all the autographs, and gets all the groupies, none of it would be possible without its wingman. His lead hand does all the dirty work - jumps on all the grenades. Curtis can throw the Roy Jones lead hook as a defensive check or offensively to engage. And his jab has multiple personalities: The flick jab, the poleaxing jab, the power jab, the fastball jab, the change-up jab – that's just a handful of the dozens its shrink has identified. Curtis slangs jabs out the back of his Tracer. Bootleg jabs. Name brand jabs. Walmart jabs. Gucci jabs. You want jabs? Come on in, jab lovers! If Chris don't got it, you don't want it!
The key for Chris Curtis is to make this fight look exactly like the first one. Curtis is one of the best body punchers in the game, and he used body shots to set up Allen for big power shots in the first fight. The low hand trajectory also discourages level changes. Curtis shook off three half-assed Allen takedowns in the first fight, but I'd plan on Allen trying to relocate the fight with more urgency this time. Even though he probably won't. If Curtis can keep this as a boxing/kickboxing match, it will be a toss-up that might slightly lean in Curtis's favor.
The numbers: Curtis is 31-10 with seventeen TKO/KOs and one reclusive sub and averages six SLpM to Allen's just under four. In his most recent bout against Marc-Andre Barriault, Curtis landed one hundred forty significant strikes, the highest total of his career. He also landed over one hundred against Rodolfo Vieira while defending twenty takedowns. Curtis will be the much higher-output fighter, which will serve him well in a close bout. Allen's career striking high is nointey-four, but his second highest is only fifty-one. Allen's Fantasy value will be supplemented with occasional takedowns and top control. The play for Allen is a win by submission, and the play for Curtis is a TKO/KO. Allen will be the (-200) favorite, and Curtis will be the (+165) live dog. Why is Curtis a live dog? Because he already won this fight by TKO. And if this is a stand-up fight, he has the wrinkles that Allen doesn't.
The main event dub-streak got dropped as soon as it got up off the canvas last week when Erin Blanchfield got check-hooked into oblivion for five rounds. This fight was originally supposed to be Allen vs. Marvin Vettori, and in many ways, Curtis might be more dangerous for Brendan Allen. Here's to trusting Allen won't abandon his ground game if it isn't immediately successful. Brendan Allen via rear-naked choke, round three. Put that ish on wax.
Props
Allen: TKO/KO (+650) Sub (+175) Dec (+240)
Curtis: TKO/KO (+300) Sub (+2500) Dec (+650)
Alexander Hernandez vs. Damon Jackson
Alexander "The Mediocre" Hernandez is back, and he's the last person you'd want to do a trust fall team-building exercise with lest you fall and crack your skull open. Hernandez is one of those fighters, when you expect the world from them, they hand you Needles, CA. "The fook is this?" Whenever Hernandez fights, it's like opening a Little Mermaid Tiger handheld video game when you asked Santa for a Super Nintendo. On paper, skill for skill, he's the better fighter in this matchup against Damon Jackson. But Damon Jackson has something that Hernandez doesn't, that Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom heart, beating outside his chest long after his body has collapsed like a marionette. If at any time Hernandez gets to half-steppin', Damon Jackson will get to ass crackin'. This is a dope little style matchup, the classic striker vs. Grappler.
Alexander Hernandez began his UFC career with a forty-second KO of Beneil Dariush. He's the prototypical wrestler striker with a wrinkle. Like a sneaker that doesn't sneak, Hernandez is a wrestler striker who doesn't wrestle. A Tale of Two Rounds: Hernandez is a world beater for about a round and a half. Then the clock strikes the seven-minute mark and his fight shorts promptly turn into Daisey Dukes, and he's assed-out like a knockoff Jordan logo. At his best, Hernandez travels along the Dan Ige/Josh Emmett spectrum, but he's not quite in either's league. Hernandez has power for days, bordering on weeks, in both hands and is a KO threat against most fighters in the division, at least for the first round. Then what happens?
Hernandez breaks; he doesn't bend. His psyche is built like Ikea furniture. All Sales Are Final. That you-break-it-you-buy-it psyche. He will get off to a ferocious start and then, out of nowhere, disappear like Diddy. On the run, catch him if you can, coppers! Cue that "My Own Worst Enemy" by Lit. The only thing to fear is Anthony Hernandez himself. Fear is the mind-killer. You can see his confidence start to fade as the fight progresses if he can't score an early finish. If you can't handle the heat... Hernandez dips as soon as the burner's lit. But that doesn't mean you can dawn the feety jammies and sleep on Hernandez. He is 14-7 for his career with six TKO/KOs and two subs and averages over four and a half SLpM to Damon Jackson's three.
Damon Jackson looks like he's straight out of the Grapes of Wrath. Just give him a pair of dusty overalls and watch him work. Fook that top-shelf shit, Damon Jackson smokes dust bowls and bogarts it. Every morning, Jackson walks sixteen miles to school in the snow. Then they tell him, "Sir, you graduated twenty years ago," and he walks back thirty miles. He's just built differently. On the feet, Jackson isn't much to look at, but on the mat, he gets busy with heavy ground and pound and slick submissions. Go watch the beating he gave fellow ground specialist Pat Sabatini. Jackson gave Sabatini a Channel 99 when the bunny ears are set just right type of beating. When the Octagon got to rockin', nobody came a-knockin'. It was a rapper earning a Bad Boy contract type of beating. Jackson has a knack for creating wild skirmishes on the feet and using the ensuing chaos to tie up/level change and relocate the fight to the mat, and if he gets your back, "Wrap it up, B."
Jackson is a dynamo on the mat but not so much on the feet. In a Walmart self-checkout March Madness tournament, Jackson would be a thirteen seed. He has hands like a mannequin. But what he lacks in raw talent on the feet, he makes up for with aggression. He's a heart-over-speed and power striker who won't shy away from fisticuffs even when he's outgunned. Also, beware of dudes who rocked the cul-de-sac in their senior pictures. They've been fighting genetics and bad luck their whole lives, so what's fighting another man to them? Overall, Jackson makes fights ugly: Ain't shit pretty, ain't shit sweet when Damon Jackson steps into the Octagon.
Jackson is 22-6 with four TKO/KOs and fifteen subs and averages two and a half takedowns and one and a half subs per fifteen minutes. Jackson's Fantasy value is in takedowns, top control, and an eventual submission finish. Likely, Jackson will have to survive the first round on the feet, but if he can get to the second, his high pace will slow down Hernandez and Jackson will take over on the mat. Hernandez is the (-195) favorite, and Jackson is the (+160) live dog. If Hernandez can't overwhelm Jackson on the feet early, he will fade, and Jackson will have his day like every dog. Damn, I'm stuck on this one. When in doubt... take the dog. Damon Jackson via rear-naked choke, round three. Wax on, wax off.
Props
Jackson: TKO/KO (+1000) Sub (+450) Dec (+500)
Hernandez: TKO/KO (+120) Sub (+1000) Dec (+350)
Morgan Charriere vs. Chepe Mariscal
My man, Morgan Charriere is out here looking like a Weeknd/XxxTentacion remix. I don't know much about this guy, but his style is like a Fisher-Price Tyron Woodley, when Woodley was in his prime, not when he was face down on the mat after eating a Jake Paul right hand. Charriere is making his second UFC appearance after TKO'ing a 1920's stockbroker in his debut. Ol Great Depression lookin'-ass. Charriere kicked the shit outta the dude like the dude was a bum lying in his parking spot.
"Get a job, Buddy!"
"I ain't your buddy, pal!"
But this time around, it won't be so easy. "Chepe" is translated as machine gun. Chepe Mariscal is the guy who spent ten years playing for the Montgomery Biscuits in the minor leagues and racked up at-bats against pitchers who went on to become starters in the major leagues. Check it: Chepe fought Gregor Gillespie, Bryce Mitchell, Pat Sabatini, and Youssef Zalal before making his UFC debut. Chepe is built like the Raid roach and has the survivability to match. He looks like a deep fake RDA – like a GTA San Andreas character and is as well-rounded and battle-tested as you can be entering only his third UFC appearance.
Morgan Charriere is 19-9 with eleven TKO/KOs and three submissions. He's another wrestler striker with a powerful right hand that he uses to close the distance. I watched several of his fights, and I wasn't too impressed. Charriere usually wins because he's athletically more gifted than his opponents. He has speed and power and can fall back on his wrestling when his striking falls short. Although he has nearly thirty pro-MMA bouts, the level of competition he has faced is nowhere near Chepe's. Can Charriere survive in a firefight against a true killer like Chepe Mariscal?
Chepe Mariscal makes shit ugly and tests you in every area inside the Octagon. His special move is the Power Slap. No shit, Chepe comes out throwing combination slaps, Stockton Slaps. What did the five fingers say to the face? SLAP! Bust out the baby powder. Chepe will start combinations with fists and punctuate them with slaps. Just to emasculate you. Dude missed his time period. He would have been the GOAT glove dueler in the 1600s. On the feet, Chepe's striking is like playing Around the World. He hits you with shots from every range, in the pocket, from distance, in the clinch, and from the top position. However do you want it? However do you need it? Chepe hands out ass whoopin's made to order.
"How can I help you?"
"Uh, can I get a number two ground and pound ass whoopin' but hold the elbows."
"Sure thing. Please pull up to the second window."
Chepe can thrive in a firefight as he did in his short-notice debut against Trevor Peek, or he can settle into a tactical chess match as he did in his most recent bout against Jack Jenkins. Overall, wherever the fight goes, Chepe is a dirty mf, grimy. He's the guy on the bottom of the pile fighting for the loose ball, gouging eyes, and checking oils. He's Bush League. But I like that! There isn't a second when Chepe isn't trying to inflict pain, damage.
Chepe is 15-6 for his career with seven TKO/KOs and three subs and averages over four and a half SLpM to Charriere's over six and a half. But Charriere's stats are skewed from only having three minutes of Octagon time. Bring 'em out! Bring 'em out! Chepe Mariscal is the (+125) live-ass dog, and Charriere is the (-150) favorite. Chepe has been finished three times, all via TKO/KO, and I don't see Charriere running through him. Chepe has much more experience against high-level competition, and he's as live a dog as you will get on this card. He can hang with Charriere wherever the fight goes and even be the guy to initiate the ground game. I think I'm gonna do it. Don't do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm going back-to-back dogs. Fook it! Chepe Mariscal via decision. On wax.
Props
Charriere: TKO/KO (300) Sub (+1100) Dec (+215)
Chepe: TKO/KO (+650) Sub (+1600) Dec (+165)
Ignacio Bahamondes vs. Christos Giagos
The Night Stalker, Ignacio Bahamondes is back, and his white Velcro Avilas with the red bottoms are itching to get up in someone's ass. Bahamondes has shown glimpses of future greatness, but the serial killer ran into Dexter in the form of Ludovit Klein his last time out. The good news for Bahamondes is that going from striking with Ludovit Klein to striking with Christos Giagos is like attending a kid's bouncy house party after attending a Diddy party earlier in the day. Giagos is a grappler with the heart of a striker who tends to engage in reckless firefights on the feet if he can't relocate the fight. If that's the case against Bahamondes, Giagos could be in for a patented long-short night.
Switches get stitches. Ignacio Bahamondes is a habitual stance switcher. If he were in the MLB, Bahamondes would be switching sides of the plate in the middle of at-bats. On the mound, he'd rock his glove like Jim Abbott and change from lefty to righty in between pitches. He's bipolar with the stances, but he uses them tactically to take advantage of specific openings as he sees fit. My man is longer than the Diddy indictments with crispy boxing and varieties of round and up-the-middle kicks. His hands are tight like hallways, and he's excellent at hitting you from a range that you can't hit him back. "Tag! No tag-backs!" He also uses pivots in and out to remain in position to attack even when on defense. From the outside looking in, Bahamondes looks like a future title challenger. But he's missing something.
Bahamondes often looks like a killer who lost his inspiration. He got caught slippin', leaving evidence at the scene against Ludovit. Too often, he's a serial killer with a conscience, leaving too much dead air between violent outbursts. His striking turns into a cold case. They send Joe Kenda into his corner in between rounds. It's like he lost his muse. Someone needs to light a fart under his ass. He needs to reconnect with why he started merking people in the first place. When he does get loose, he leaves them outlined in chalk. Ask Roosevelt Roberts. Baha spinning wheel kicked Roosevelt Roberts and turned him into Teddy Roosevelt tap dancing with the little clickity-clack hand crutches. He left Roosevelt Roberts sprawled out on the canvas like a jumper at the Roosevelt Hotel. Bahamondes has a sneaky spinning wheel kick that materializes out of nowhere.
That brings me to the Kneehigh Park puppet, Christos Giagos. He pops up every once in a while to sub somebody when you least expect it. When you expect the world from Christos Giagos, he shows up on your doorstep with Yuma, Arizona in hand. And when you expect Yuma, Arizona, he shows up on your doorstep and Drops The World on ya head like Em and Lil Weezy. On the feet, Giagos swings at the first pitch every at-bat. He pretends like he doesn't see the third base coach over there slashing across his chest and tugging on both earlobes, signaling to him to take the pitch. In nearly every fight, Giagos gets off to a fast start, landing wild hooks and overhands that catch his opponents off guard. He nearly finishes every fight he loses. But that's because he puts everything into aggression and volume and nothing into technique and movement.
I say that, to say this: Christos Giagos walked through Elm Street with a fookin' wiffle bat drew. Check it: Giagos has shared the cage with Thiago Moises, Arman Tsarukyan, Charles Oliveira, and Drakkar Klose. He even fought Josh Emmett outside of the UFC. He's the kid who stands up to the bully and gets walloped. He's Red when Red asks for his bike back and gets that Deebo Tiger Uppercut. All the other kids just whistle a tune and turn the other way like Mrs. Parker started watering the garden. But you respect him for it. What's odd about Giagos is that he's a grappler with more TKO/KOs than subs. He's bass ackwards. Giagos is 20-11 with eight TKO/KOs and four subs. He's especially handy with head and arm chokes, D'arce/Anacondas. His path to victory will be throwing bombs to close the distance and working the clinch to earn takedowns. He will be technically outnumbered on the feet. The longer the fight goes, the more likely he is to get finished. Giagos is 1-3 in his last four and all three Ls came via finish, two in the first round, and one in the second.
Bahamondes is the (-350) favorite, and Giagos is the (+275) neglected dog. There is a play for Giagos, an early first-round finish. Likely a TKO/KO. The club and sub could be in full effect, but Giagos tends to land something heavy in the opening minutes. He just has a hard time sealing the deal. The play for Bahamondes is a mid to late TKO/KO. Fantasy-wise, Giagos has a very limited, yet high upside if he can create a fight-ending sequence early. But I'm not counting on that. Ignacio Bahamondes via TKO, round three. On wax.
Props
Bahamondes: TKO/KO (+140) Sub (+380) Dec (+250)
Giagos: TKO/KO (+900) Sub (+1200) Dec (+600)
Not Lil' Bow Wow!
Valter Walker vs. Lukasz Brzeski
Ol' Catfish Billy is back. Manti Te'o's best man, Lukasz Brzeski. Lukasz Brzeski's Sherdog profile pic is like how fast food looks in the commercial versus how it actually looks when you order it – like someone sat on it and crop-dusted it, no extra charge. His profile pic looks like it was taken from his high school yearbook. Then he shows up inside the Octagon on fight night, and Dana White is talking about, "Who the fook is this guy?" And speaking of who the fook, who the fook is Valter Walker? This guy's nickname is "The Clean Monster," and he's built like Sulley. He's built like Russia and breathes dragon smoke. There isn't much fight footage on Walker, and I have no idea what to expect from this fight. Valter Walker is turrble on the feet, and Lukasz Brzeski is turrble on the mat. Something has to give.
They have to build the cage around Valter Walker. He's massive. He's Easter Brock Lesnar, the second coming. This guy had to be Tolkien's inspiration for the trolls. Check it: He's the Balrog. He's the Russian Lawrence Taylor. Walter looks like he walked through a spiderweb when he strikes. He swings like he's chasing flies around the house. They have a TV show about this guy called When Animals Attack. It's like a Gorilla escaped captivity when Walker steps into the cage. He just chases opponents around the cage winging haymakers and shooting Brock Lesnar double legs. Walker's bread and butter is clearly getting the fight to the mat and mauling you. I'm pretty sure he has a dub over Godzilla.
There are a million questions about this guy. He looks like he gasses ASAP. He comes out NBA Jam on fire and has to be pushed like a jalopy across the finish line if he can't finish you. His path to victory will be spamming power doubles and getting Brzeski to the mat early and often. If at any time the takedown well runs dry, Brzeski should piece him up Willie. Piece him up Johnson. The Clean Monster... wth is that haha. It sounds like a Molly Maids rival. The Clean Monster is 11-0 with six TKO/KOs and one sub. Play him for an early finish and play him at your own risk. The sky could be the limit for Walker or a doorway could be. This guy is the definition of all-or-nothing.
Lukasz Brzeski is an airbrushed fighter. Like you ordered him from China – when he shows up, he looks nothing like he did on the website. He had a strong debut against Martin Buday, a fight in which Brzeski out-struck Buday one hundred eighteen to sixty-eight and still lost. Yeah, it was a Valero robbery. But after that fight, Brzeski lost two in a row, getting dominated on the mat for fifteen minutes by Karl "Winslow" Williams, and getting KO'd in one minute against "Where's" Waldo Acosta. Acosta hit Brzeski and Brzeski turned into the Nature Boy, Woooo'ing and gyrating before diving headfirst off the top turnbuckle. Brzeski looked like he was diving headfirst off the high dive.
The good news for Brzeski is that he's the far better striker in this matchup. If he can survive the early onslaught, he should pick Walker apart on the feet. But the bad news is that fighting Walker will be like fighting two Karl Williams simultaneously. At least for the first five minutes. Brzeski showed zero ability to get back to his feet against Williams, and that's bad news against a guy like Walker who can do the same thing but with heavy ground and pound along the way. But outside of getting clipped with an errant haymaker, Brzeski will have a huge advantage on the feet. Brzeski is 8-4 with five TKO/KOs and two subs, and the play for him is mid to late TKO/KO finish.
Walker is the massive (-375) favorite, and Brzeski is the (+290) live-ass dog. Why is he a live-ass dog? Because who knows what Walker will look like under the bright lights? Although I like the chances of this one ending before the final bell, there is also some value in a decision either way. Walker could dominate the top position for fifteen minutes, and Brzeski could survive the early storm and have success keeping the fight standing late. I don't have a clue who will win this one. This is a damn toss-up to me. I think there's a ton of value in the dog, but Brzeski looked helpless against Karl Williams, a much tamer version of Valter Walker. Plus, the name Valter just sounds tough when you say it. Valter Walker via TKO, round two. On wax.
P.S. I just found out Valter Walker is Johnny Walker's brother. It all makes sense now.
Props
Walker: TKO/KO (+120) Sub (+800) Dec (+240)
Brzeski: TKO/KO (+450) Sub (+2500) Dec (+650)
Court McGee vs. Alex Morono
0017 is back. The US government disavows any knowledge of Alex Morono's existence. He's an undercover savage who has been thwarting the imperialist inclinations of some of the best welterweights since 2016. But this time, his assignment, should he choose to accept it, is to foment discord and topple one of the longest-tenured generals in the game, a man with nearly fifteen years of service, Court McGee. This fight is scheduled to close out the preliminary card, but you know I have to show love to a fighter I have grown to love over the years, Alex Morono, and another, Court McGee, who I couldn't possibly have more respect for. This is one of those fights I hope ends in a draw after an absolute war inside the cage. No losers.
If Court McGee survived the freefall from that Blue Sky without a parachute, what can a mere man do to him? Nothing. If that Walter White couldn't kill him, there isn't shit you can do to him that can put fear in his heart. This man faced his demons and had the stones to turn his back on them. Fifteen years in the game after battling meth addiction – as impressive resume as you will see.
That being said, cue that "Grindin'" by Clipse. Court McGee is the ultimate grinder. He has survived so long, while most in his class have long since vanished because he is a master at fighting in close quarters, eye-to-eye combat. He's the Evander Holyfield of this shit, chipping away at you in the clinch – old-school Randy Couture style. McGee will turn you into sawdust within the clinch. Termite booger sugar. When Court gets hold of you, it's holy matrimony, 'till death do us part. You need an annulment to get Court off you. You need a fookin' divorce lawyer and have to give up half your estate to get rid of Court McGee. He's a master at pressing you up against the cage and grating you like an Olive Garden waiter with the parmigiano reggiano. "Say when..." Homie leaving work with carpal tunnel because I ain't ever saying when. Too much is never enough.
On the feet, McGee has lost a step he never had. He has always been slow and lumbering - Snuffelufugus in that bish, "Hi, Bert. How's this right hand, Bert." McGee has that Take a Number and Have a Seat hand speed. Those noinety-minute wait time hands. But he's long and uses his range like an expert archer, hitting you at the apex of his punches. His hands seem to unravel like extension cords, landing when you think you're safely out of range. The key against Morono will be eliminating space and doing what Court McGee does best, grinding in close quarters. The open waters in the center of the mat will be Morono's domain, but against the cage, trapped in a box, will be McGee's. Court is 21-12 for his career with five TKO/KOs and five subs while averaging just over four and a half SLpM and two takedowns per fifteen minutes. His value will be in control time and moderate strikes landed, likely hovering around the fifty strikes range. A finish? Not likely.
I used to want to fight Alex Morono. Not out of malice or spite or hate. Just because I thought I might be able to hang with him for a little while. You know, dust off my old Muay Thai shorts and test out my Thunderdome training. But after he fooked around and nearly pitched a perfect game against "The Ponz" Santiago Ponzinibio (a fight he eventually lost), I realized I should probably just stick to the Mary Jay smoke. That Alex Morono smoke might land me in the ICU next to Mark Coleman. That night Morono outclassed The Ponz for twelve and half minutes before getting brutally TKO'd. It was like getting to the last level of Battletoads and losing (no one ever beat that game).
Morono's best weapon is that he looks like he played Dungeon & Dragons at lunch in school. But he has a unique style on the feet that befuddles fighters. He's the real "Twinkle Toes." Sorry, Frank Trigg. He stays on his toes like a ballerina with a Russian bounce. The bouncing cadence allows Morono to move in and out of the pocket without deliberate motions, hiding his moments of attack. He also uses extreme arm angles, particularly a Three Stooges twelve-to-six overhand bonk on top of the dome. It's like an ax kick, but it's a punch. And it's nearly impossible to defend with a hand guard. Morono also has Brady awareness in the pocket; he keeps his eyes downfield and goes through his progressions when he's under fire.
Morono is 23-9 with six TKO/KOs and seven subs and averages five SLpM. His special move is the guillotine. Dustin Poirier, eat your heart out: Alex Morono started this jumping Gilly shit. Morono has to keep this fight at his range, staying on the outside and avoiding the clinch and cage. He has superior hand speed and overall striking, but he isn't built to fight in the trenches with a guy like McGee.
Alex Morono is the (-300) favorite, and McGee is the (+240) live dog. This is a battle of range and who can dictate it. If McGee can force his way inside and work trips along the cage, he can grind out a grimy victory, his M.O. I think a finish one way or the other is a long shot, and the play for both is a win by decision. This will be a Michael Vick FC dog fight until the end. Alex Morono via decision. Put that ish on wax.
Props
Morono: TKO/KO (+175) Sub (+400) Dec (+200)
McGee: TKO/KO (+1600) Sub (+1800) Dec (+350)
Prelims
$7k Value Menu
Chepe Mariscal ($7.9k): Chepe's a real one. He won't drop a Zach Edey Elite Eight forty burger, but he might come close if he can keep the fight standing. Even if he can't, Chepe is chock full of scrambles/reversals and is generally tough to get to the mat. On the feet, he has the more dynamic striking, but Morgan Charriere, aka Bad Ass Weeknd, will have the speed and power advantage. Chepe is a variety point scorer; he'll get you points in the paint (in the clinch), points from midrange (in the pocket), and he can hit a couple from behind the arc (outside the pocket) if you play off him. And Charriere isn't the only fighter who can relocate the fight. Chepe also has the offensive wrestling/grappling to keep Charriere honest on the feet. However it goes down, Chepe will take his pound of Fantasy flesh.
Damon Jackson ($7.5k): After the first round, it will be Damon Jackson's time to shine. Alexander Hernandez cannot be trusted after the first five minutes. But those first five minutes will be a doozy. Heart for heart, Jackson is the superior fighter mentally. He has heart like Valentine's Day, and Hernandez doesn't. Each fighter will have big advantages in their area of expertise, Hernandez on the feet and Jackson on the mat. Jackson will likely fall behind on the scorecards early, but he's built for late comebacks. His grappling is stifling, and his back control is a death sentence. Jackson has twenty-two career dubs, and noineteen were finishes, including fifteen subs. Dude is a finisher and can rack up control time.
Chris Curtis ($7.3k): Chris Curtis already won this fight via second-round TKO. He landed over sixty strikes in the first matchup in just under a round and a half. There's no guarantee Allen will try to takedown Curtis consistently, and, likely, this fight will eventually settle into a kickboxing match. Power-wise, Curtis dwarfs Allen on the feet. Allen has to outwork Curtis for five rounds, while Curtis can get his hand raised with just one punch. And Curtis has takedown defense like the ancient pyramids in Egypt. Legend has it that Curtis once went twenty for twenty defending takedowns against the Jits God Rodolfo Vieira. Allen isn't a volume takedown fighter; he will likely completely abandon his wrestling if Curtis can shake off the first one or two.
$6k Clearance Rack
Lukasz Brzeski ($6.8k): Lukasz Brzeski will have to turn into the Witcher when he faces the debuting monster Valter Walker. Walker is the second coming of Brock Lesnar and will have a massive advantage on the mat. But very little is known about Walker. He's huge, I'll give him that. But his skills on the feet are amateurish, and we have no clue how his cardio will hold up, especially after the adrenaline dump from fighting under the brightest lights in the sport for the first time. Brzeski will have as massive an advantage on the feet as Walker will have on the mat. If Brzeski can survive and advance to the second and third rounds, he should take over the fight if Walker starts to gas. With all the unknowns surrounding Walker, this is a complete toss-up for me, and Brzeski has a good shot at being a Saturday night flipper.
Twenty Twen-Twen Sleepers
Chris Curtis (+170): I think this fight will eventually, sooner rather than later, turn into a stand-up war. If that's the case, the fight will become a toss-up. Curtis already proved he can shake off Allen's takedowns and that he can finish Brendan Allen –turn his ass into Brandon Allen real quick. Styles make matchups, and Curtis could be Allen's kryptonite – a guy Allen can't immediately take down if he starts to take damage on the feet. That's Allen's M.O. Test the stand-up, and if it's not going his way, fall back on his wrestling/grappling/submissions. I'm not so sure that will be an option past the early minutes. And Curtis is the finishing threat on the feet.
Damon Jackson (+165): Brains over brawn and heart over both. Damon Jackson will most likely get pummeled on the feet early, but if Alexander "The Mediocre" Hernandez doesn't finish him with the quickness, he will gas, and it will be Jackson's time to shine. Jackson is a back control specialist and a submission Banksy on the mat. Hernandez has only been finished once in his career by sub, but Jackson has the cardio and pressure from the top to break him late in the fight. Hernandez doesn't bend; he breaks. And unless you separate Jackson from his consciousness, he will never break.
Court McGee (+240): McGee is an MMA triple O-G with general stripes, a veteran of countless wars within the Octagon. More importantly, he has the style to stifle superior strikers like Alex Morono. McGee's style is fighting in a phone booth like those crazy Russian Reels. Court dwells in the clinch and up against the cage, where he can chip away, grind, chip away, grind, and work trips. The key for McGee will be eliminating space and not allowing Morono to utilize his superior hand speed and more diverse striking. McGee isn't the most impressive striker, but he's long as fook and uses every inch of his reach to land when you think you're successfully out of range. This one will be a nip/tuck affair, and if that Blue Sky couldn't finish Court McGee, what can Alex Morono do to him?
Pick 'Em
Trevor Peek (+165) vs. Charlie Campbell (-200)
Winner: Charlie Campbell
Method: Decision
Norma Dumont (-165) vs. Germaine De Randamie (+135)
Winner: Germaine De Randamie
Method: Decision
Pedro Falcao (+130) vs. Victor Hugo (-150)
Winner: Victor Hugo
Method: Decision
Piera Rodriguez (-130) vs. Cynthia Calvillo (+110)
Winner: Cynthia Calvillo
Method: Decision
Dan Argueta (+140) vs. Jean Matsumoto (-170)
Winner: Jean Matsumoto
Method: Decision
Dylan Budka (-155) vs. Cesar Almeida (+130)
Winner: Cesar Almeida
Method: Decision
Nora "Cornholio" Cornolle (+270) vs. Melissa Dixon (-350)
Winner: Melissa Dixon
Method: Decision
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