BDSM is often an excuse for abuse of subs

WiseHarsh

Apr 29

BDSM abuse is unfortunately a thing; different people call it different things, but at the end of the day, abuse is abuse no matter what their excuse is. The kink world does not excuse abusive behavior, as it is still assault.

In a typical BDSM dynamic or relationship, both parties have agreed on hard and soft limits, this is a must in any specific BDSM dynamic or relationship. You can set goals so that your Dom/Master can help you overcome trauma or explore new things. These are often common goals for a Dom and a Sub or Master and Slave. It is how you explore new things and grow as a dynamic; trust is of the utmost importance. There must always be a safe word in play, no matter the dynamic.

I have come across many posts where subs have been abused by their so-called Doms / Masters and think it is normal because they are the submissive. This is NOT normal; you are in a consensual dynamic with your Dom/Master. All dynamics must be safe, sane, and consensual; if at any point you feel that your Dom/Master has gone too far you need to stop the scene and talk about it as soon as you are able to.

If your Dom/Master does not agree, they have gone too far, and disagree with you. Withdraw consent until you are able to discuss it together and can come to a new arrangement. If you are unable to come to a new agreement, end the dynamic and move on.

Your intuition and common sense will warn you if something feels wrong, if there are any red flags, you need to reassess the situation or the dynamic you are in, abuse of subs is more common than you think.

Abuse and assault exist in our kink world, unfortunately, and often bad Doms/Masters will try to convince you it is normal under the BDSM umbrella this is far from the truth.

When someone degrades you or humiliates you without consent, this is emotional abuse. When someone touches you without consent, it is not okay. When someone joins your scene without prior consent, it is not okay. When your Dom/Master ignores your safeword, it is assault. When your Dom/Master hits you without having consent, it is assault; if your Dom/Master uses any object without consent to hit you, it is aggravated assault. Just like in the everyday world if anyone touches you without consent, it is sexual assault, and if anyone has sex with you without your consent, it is rape.

It does not mean because you are a submissive that you have no power or say, ultimately YOU set the rules, YOU decide how far you are willing to go. Do not let your Dom/Master push past your limits or boundaries unless this is an agreed-upon goal. YOU have the final say over what happens to you are your body.

You are in control.