You know you are kinky, and you know you are a submissive, and that you want a BDSM dynamic in your relationship, but you don't know how to approach your partner. Will they judge you or kink shame you? Will they think you are weird? What if they say no?

These are all valid concerns that many people, not just you, struggle with every day. It is possibly one of the most discussed topics on online BDSM communities. Many submissives want to approach their partner to be their Dom/me but don't know how to approach them. I don't know everything, and I definitely don't know about your relationship. Still, I have helped several friends break the BDSM barrier with their partners and might be able to offer you a few suggestions.

You have done your research about BDSM, possibly lurked around some sites, and read a ton of articles regarding Dominance and submission, hell it might have been porn that made you realize that you are submissive. It isn't something that happened overnight, and it took time to understand what you want. This will be precisely the same for your partner, and it is going to take them time and some research to understand what it is you want from them.

So the first step would be to set down a time you and your partner can talk; it needs to be a comfortable setting at home when you are both together, away from other distractions. I wouldn't tell them, "We need to talk," which typically makes people anxious; I would bring it up lightly in conversation that it's something that has drawn your interest. Tell them what about BDSM interests you and how you would like to explore it with them.

partner to be your Dom/me

Don't pressure your partner; give them time to absorb what you have just told them. It often comes as a shock to most partners, especially if you have been together for a while. You can suggest specific sites or communities that they can join to learn more about BDSM. It is usually a slow process, but this way, you know you aren't forcing them into something they don't want to do. Once your partner has a better idea of BDSM, you will need to discuss what type of dynamic you want. Is it just kinky sex in the bedroom, or do you want a D/s relationship?

If you want a D/s relationship, it will take time and effort from both of you, there will be mistakes made on both ends, but this is the reality of taking something new on as a couple. Communication is crucial, and this will help you both understand each other better. You will need to be completely honest and open about what you like and dislike; even though you might be surprised at certain kinks, be open-minded and never shame your partner for their kinks.

If you take it slow and be true to yourself and each other, you will be able to navigate through it together and hopefully get your partner to be your Dom/me.